(⊙‿⊙) when teachers give u a study guide to study but none of it is on the test (⊙‿⊙)
people who exercise in order to get rid of period cramps are the ones surviving the apocalypse.
why is “fuck you” an insult like hell yea fuck me fuck me hard
I’m at the grocery store with my grandparents and my grandpa has wandered away and now my grandma is going up every isle yelling his name and im hiding behind a cookie display cuz i dont want anyone to know im with the crazy woman screaming dick at the top of her lungs
my mom was carrying her ipad and a piece of pizza but she stumbled and dropped her ipad on the floor but held tight to her pizza and i’m so glad i know where my priorities come from
Hairdresser: do you like it?
Me: yes thank you
*goes home and cries*
I’d like to have a word with you. The word is sex.
things to say after sex
- love is for children
- i’m always angry
- you were made to be ruled
- if we bypass the mainframe in direct route of the homer cluster we can clock this at around 600 teraflops
- are you nuts
- SPEAK ENGLISH!!,
- have you ever tried shawarma
- how desperate are you
- i don’t want to see this on your myspace page
- got any other bad ideas
- i will taze you and watch supernanny while you drool into the carpet
Sometimes I get offended by Canadian stereotypes but then I remember once my friend came back from her vacation to see a robber in her house and then her family sat him down and then they all had a lengthy discussion about life choices